As I read other blogs, and while I folded the myriad of clothes at work today, I had a minor epiphany...I've always considered my chameleon quality to be an asset...Now you may be wondering, what does she mean chameleon quality? Does she eat flies? Are her eyes on the side of her head...? If so why hasn't she been in the National Enquirer?! I wanna see the Chameleon Girl!...But I digress...My chameleon quality is that I can blend with almost ANY group of people. I can be the country girl, I can be the rocker girl, I can be the hippie, the good girl, the Christian girl who speaks no ill, the tantrum maker, or the pixie...The only problem is NONE of these are the complete me...They're just different aspects that come out under the right circumstances...The me you see at any given time, is a carefully choreographed Christina, you see what I WANT you to see...Well lately I've realized this isn't so great...It has led me to have no idea who I really am...See when you have a chameleon side to you, you can understand and sympathize with ANYONE...Yea, that gets ANNOYING! Just once I wish I could say, I like this and that's all it is..but no! I see every side and I can understand every side...I HATE IT! Who the heck am I anyway? I'm not really THAT funny, I'm not that smart, not that athletic, not that creative...I'm just "decent" at most things...Sometimes I wish I could be completely compelled to feel one way and only one way...Heck my thoughts on even issues I used to feel strongly about, have waned as I can see BOTH sides of the issue...Lately I've seen so many different ways to parent, live, or teach and I'm so lost as to what I want to do...Well I'm a realist, and I understand only about three people read this, and rarely comment so I'm not really looking for help, just venting. However, being a bit insane and neurotic as I am, if you feel compelled to reply, please do...I could use help...
Love,
Christina
P.S.
I hope to write more, but lately things have been busy, I've been lazy, and VERY blocked...
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