Over You
Weather man said it's gonna snow
By now I should be used to the cold
Mid-February shouldn't be so scary
It was only December
I still remember the presents, the tree, you and me
But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I'll be OK
But I'm not going to ever get over you
Living alone here in this place
I think of you, and I'm not afraid
Your favorite records make me feel better
Cause you sing along
With every song
I know you didn't mean to give them to me
But you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I'll be OK
But I'm not going to ever get over you
It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone
Cause you went away
How dare you?
I miss you
They say I'll be OK
But I'm not going to ever get over you
This part of my life started a long, long time ago, when I was about three years old. Twenty years ago, we moved to our current house, and as a toddler with an active imagination, ZERO shyness and a love for dogs, I was bound to make new friends. When the story of how I met my two BEST friends is told in our house, one of my parents utters a, "bless Sheila's heart". You see, I was a VERY imaginative child, and I didn't realize at three that not everyone knew I was telling stories, so when I trotted down the street to the second house from ours to tell a story I thought nothing of it. I'm not sure how the conversation was struck up, but I told my unsuspecting, future surrogate mom, Sheila, that I had ten brothers, we had just moved in, my real mom was dead, I had a step mom and she didn't like me. This is where the "bless her heart" comes in, Sheila believed me, completely and totally thought I was telling the truth. Now being so young when this happened, I'm not sure HOW she realized I was telling a story, but she eventually did and that was my first real encounter with Sheila. Some time later I was drawn to their backyard by the lure of what I wanted the most in the world, a dog, I would toddle over to see their dog Doc, who was a basset hound. This is where the story gets interesting, when I first met Jeff, I was NOT a big fan...I would often ask Sheila if Jeff HAD to be with us when I came over, and she would generally reply, "yes, he's my husband". In time I warmed to Jeff and he became a second father to me as he and Sheila were unable to have children of their own. They told me our arrangement was pretty nice, they had ALL the joys of having a child of their own, the stories from school, the giggling, the playing, without all of the responsibility, schooling, housing, clothing, etc. I loved our arrangement because I got TONS of attention. Now I want to set this straight, I love my parents to death, and I know they love me, but when you are the youngest of two it's harder to fascinate your parents. Mom and dad had already seen all the exciting stuff with Michele, but with Jeff and Sheila, all the things my parents had seen were new and fascinating which made me feel extra special.
Jeff and Doc, Jeff was playing Frito Man
For years life went on like this, I would constantly yell at Jeff to "put a shirt on", and when he stopped smoking Sheila and I were his biggest cheerleaders. I can remember chasing him down the sidewalk with a broom, and my dad seeing him smoking would ask if he needed to tell me and Jeff would reply sincerely, "oh please don't...". We would play "hide the snake" with a Beanie Baby snake, it was a bit like hide the keys or any of those other games, two of us would be in one room and the third would hide the snake somewhere in the house then send the others to look for it. We played "boogernose", a game Jeff and I made up using a circular pool noodle, the object was to toss the noodle and have it land on Jeff like human horseshoes. Jeff and I would ALWAYS quote The Simpsons, our favorite show, and there was the "brain sucker" which was one of Doc's toys. We would pretend to suck each others brains out with it and transfer them to another person. Then there is the story of how I tried to help Jeff and Sheila have a baby, I came over and asked Sheila if she and Jeff were doing it right to have a baby, then I earnestly said, "I'll show you". Sheila was obviously a bit nervous about what this toddler would do, but I got on my knees and put my hands together and prayed. I never wanted for love from them and when the world seemed so dark and ugly, I knew I could depend on them both.
Jeff with he and Sheila's niece, Elizabeth
They took me and my sister to my first professional baseball game, Cubs vs. Cards, and because Jeff was a Cards fan, I HAD to root for the Cubs to be ornery, ;) and can you guess who won? The Cubs! They took me to see the King Tut Exhibit for another birthday, and Jeff and I chatted about how rude Tut was to invite us to visit and not show up! I had been bowling with Tut when he invited me, Jeff had been playing tennis with him. He told me the joke about, "if the log rolls over we'll all be dead!" and why dogs sniff each others butts. We got a HUGE kick out of a random car commercial with a crab that constantly said, "I pinch..." which lead to him buying a scarab hat at the Tut exhibit and telling me, "I pinch". I could always depend on them, and Sheila would even bring hot chocolate over, and sit with me to talk at midnight when I couldn't wake my parents up. Jeff was always there with Kleenexes when my heart was broken with a loving, "men are pigs" and then back to the kitchen. He could always fix things with a funny voice, or some random joke, he was also very proficient at pretending to smack his nose on the cabinet doors to make me laugh. We would joke about Lord of the Rings as we all three are HUGE fans, and how you can't cook with Hobbit feet because it is impossible to get all the hair out...
With Helen and Sprocket after Doc passed away
Whenever I went to their house and stayed during into the evening, even at 14 or 15 years old, Jeff would walk me the hundred feet to my front door, from toddler to teen he ALWAYS made sure I got home, and if he had gone to bed, Sheila ALWAYS watched from the porch to make sure I was safe and sound. I can remember our jokes walking to my house, we would put on old man voices and complain about strange things, the strangest being that we had just had our porch delivered and they put it on backward. Until the day he passed, he fussed at me if I came to their house with a wet head. We went through the loss of Doc together and the loss of his mother not long after. When I started my senior year of high school, they moved about five miles out of town to the country, I was sad to see the old house go but I still had my best friends and I could still drive to see them.
A truly awful picture of me, but a great one of Jeff and Sheila
I never had a date to prom or homecomings, but Jeff and Sheila ALWAYS had me covered. Jeff worked for a florist in high school and was quite skilled at picking out a nice corsage, so every year they would buy me my corsage. My last prom I had no idea how fast time was running out, I was sure I had YEARS and years left of old man voices, head banging in to the cabinet, Simpsons lines, gay hairdresser lines and constant reassuring feedback...
Jeff giving me my corsage for senior prom
The end started like a lot of other ends start, with a simple illness. The illness was something small, a nuisance that was easily treated with a rather high dose of medicine. The dose was so high, he was supposed to have blood tests monthly to make sure it wasn't hurting him, his doctor ordered one blood test...one blood test wasn't enough to catch the fact that another medicine had the same main ingredient as the other...He was being overdosed and we had no idea. This next part is very hard for me to write, even five years later it is still a raw area...
Right after graduation, I had no idea it was coming
The last time I ever saw Jeff alive was a normal enough night, I had gone over to have dinner and just hang out before Jeff and Sheila went on vacation. We had pancakes, my personal favorite and the only thing at the time that Sheila could fix with expertise, ;) and bacon. Jeff wasn't allowed to have bacon because of his illness, we spent the night chatting about my new job and what it would entail, and planning when we would see The Simpsons movie while Jeff and I sang Spider Pig together, one would start and the other would come in without missing a beat. At the end of the night, I gathered my stuff and got ready to head home, Jeff was always an affectionate person and wasn't afraid to give hugs and kisses, I normally didn't hug back. As usual, Jeff pulled me into a hug, gave me a kiss, and then, I hugged back, to this day I thank God that I hugged him and even today I can still feel his stubble on my forehead and think how I would give anything for another hug.
Jeff with he and Sheila's niece, Valerie
When they came home from vacation, Jeff started to get worse and they ended up heading to the hospital. For several weeks his health was unstable and it simply baffled the doctors around him, I worried horribly, but Sheila reassured me that Jeff would be fine because, "he's a tough old bird". I relaxed after hearing these reassurances and the day before he died, we planned on visiting him soon, I even bought him a Lincoln fact book as he love Lincoln history and civil war history. In the middle of the night I woke up in a cold sweat with my stomach in a massive knot...I went to the bathroom and was sick to my stomach. Later in the morning, my mom called my boss and told her I had been ill in the night, I woke up fine on November 9, 2007. I made my way downstairs and sat down in my dads chair to watch TV, the phone rang and I saw it was Sheila and because my mom was home I let her answer it because Sheila had been calling to ask my mom, who is a nurse, different medical questions. I thought nothing of Sheila calling and just went back to my TV show, then my mom came downstairs...she looked visually shaken and walked toward me on the verge of tears and barely breathed out, "Jeff passed away this morning". My stomach felt like it fell out of my body, my reaction was violent I screamed, "NO!" thinking if I denied it, that would mean it wasn't true. When I realized it wasn't a very sick joke, I screamed at God, I remember my words, "Give him back! He doesn't belong to you, he belongs to us! Give him BACK!" then came the numbness...I cried silent tears and just stared...Dad came home before mom went to work to stay with me, we were all shaken up and devastated...I remember going upstairs to be alone and to put everything out of my mind, I couldn't take it, so I did anything I could to forget what I had heard, willing myself to make it not true. There was a Doctor Who marathon on that day, and one episode stuck out at me like a sore thumb and brought the tears afresh to my eyes...I can't find the clip anymore, but I can describe it. In the episode Love and Monsters, Elton remembers his mother, and at one point we see Elton and his mother at a park, she turns to him and kneels near him, whispers something in to his ear and walks away...she turns back once to wave and then continues, it reminded me so much of Jeff and still does...
This reminds me of the clip I described above...
As long as I could pretend it didn't happen, I was all right, but when we went to the visitation and funeral, I couldn't hold it in anymore...I was 18 years old, but I brought the stuffed rabbit he and Sheila had given me to hold on to during the funeral.
Now I don't want to end this on a depressing note, so I'm going to share a really good memory. We all three used to play Hide and Go Seek, and one day Jeff thought he had found the BEST hiding place EVER! The crawlspace in the basement, he crawled in to the dark little hole, pulled the board in behind him and giggled about how good his spot was! Only, it was too good...Sheila and I eventually stopped looking for him, and he sat and waited on us, until he finally crawled out and came up to see what was going on! That was always a favorite memory for all of us.
I will never forget you, Jeff, you may have left this world but you will never leave my heart. I miss you every day and would give just about anything to have one more day on the back porch of the old house, sipping a Hawaiian Punch while you grilled and Doc romped through the yard. Back when we were all young, and we had so many years ahead of us. I hope you're proud of me and I am doing right by you, you always made the world brighter with your unconditional love. Sometimes, I look at the old houses kitchen window, and for just a second I think I can see you working in the kitchen, towel over your shoulder...then I notice that the kitchen is dark, and you are gone and my heart breaks again. When the time is right, I'll see you up there, until then, don't worry about Sheila and the "rats", I'll take care of them until you are all reunited. I love you, Jeff.
Love always,
Christina
PS - This is something I forgot in the post, it is one of my brightest memories and to this day I smile when I think of it. When I was probably 13 or 14, Jeff, Sheila and I started movie night; every Saturday night I would go to their house for a movie and we saw some dandy's! I can remember Jeff being a goofball about getting The Girl With the Pearl Earring, and the time a worker at the video store told Jeff one movie was, "SO SCARY!" that he picked it up; that movie was so lame we started making fun of it saying the hills were made of baloney and the Oscar Meyer people were fighting the Eckrich people for the mountain, the people covered in red goop were the Eckrich people. But the BEST movie night EVER started off so simply, I came over and poor Sheila was feeling sick, so we all set off to picking a movie from Dish. Jeff clicked through several movies reading bits of the plot out loud while I read silently, then he stumbled upon Wrong Turn...he started reading the plot slowly "a group of people are attacked by inbred cannibals in the West Virginia mountains..." he trailed off, I looked behind us, our eyes locked and without a second hesitation we both screamed, "INBRED CANNIBALS!", to which poor Sheila groaned but sadly, she was outnumbered and Jeff and I laughed our way through the movie. Since then, the Wrong Turn movies have always made me smile to think about the "INBRED CANNIBALS!". Another memory I just remembered, happened before they moved to the country, Sheila was out of the living room and I was lying on a pillow with Doc, then I turned to talk to Jeff and this is what blurted out, "you know, dad..."; we looked at each other and then laughed. After that, when I went to Washington D.C., I bought both Jeff and Sheila #1 Mom and Dad mugs. I also have another lovely memory that makes me laugh to this day, whenever I came over Jeff would ask me if I wanted anything and if I said yes he would make a production and bring me my food or drink then say, "would you like me to peel a grape for you?", or quote National Lampoon's Christmas, "Can I get you something to eat? Drink? Take you out in the woods, leave you for dead?", or when Doc would bark at him, he would look at him and ask, "Is Timmy stuck in the well?!". Of course there were the times Doc would beg for a treat and if Jeff ignored him, Doc would nip his knee which always made me giggle. Today all I have are memories, but I am grateful for every single one.
Beautiful, Pumpkin!! You are so lucky to have two Moms and Dads that love you so much. Reading that makes me think of Grandpa. Sounds like you and Jeff had the same relationship Grandpa and I did. Love you
ReplyDeleteMichele