Most of my readers know I am a great lover of animals and that I have a bit of a menagerie. Included in the cat menagerie was the diva known as Cleo. Cleo's personality was larger than life, it was Cleo's way or the highway.
Beautiful baby girl with Grandma
I really don't remember the exact date, but one day this past Fall we took Cleo to the vet. For quite a while, we had all noticed a couple of lumps on her belly and we were concerned by this. After a visit to the vet our worst fears were nearly confirmed, though they would not know without biopsying the lumps, all signs pointed to mammary cancer. My gut fell into my shoes...the surgery to remove the lumps was on the table if we wanted and to be sure, but the doctor still said they would grow back should they actually be cancer. With that information, we decided against the VERY expensive procedure, it was either a simple blockage of the mammary gland, or it was cancer, either way surgery wouldn't solve anything...I was comforted by the fact that this cancer was very slow moving in cats, so even if my baby eventually died of the cancer, I still had the hope of years with her.
Cleo and I
Christmas rolled around and my baby girl was just as sassy as ever, and I devoted more time to her. I feel like the worst Mommy in the world...things happened and I can not remember dates. One day I noticed Cleo was coughing a little, I thought it was strange and worried a little because the coughing became rougher during the night. We made an appointment early the next day for Cleo to be taken to the vet...
Cleo and I again
The vet looked Cleo over and believed she had some form of bronchitis, she was given a steroid shot to ease her breathing and we went home. She was pretty out of it for a while, but after the steroid shot kicked in, she was back to her old Cleo self. She was scheduled for a follow up appointment, and when I would pet her, I noticed her ribs were more pronounced and worried a little over what could be causing that. With the appointment already made, we just waited to see what the doctor said...
Cleo, Sox and Grandpa
We went to the vet and she was immediately concerned, Cleo had lost a LOT of weight over a week to two weeks. It was too early to do another steroid shot, so the vet drew blood and had us go home again and see how she eats. We worried that the cancer was progressing more quickly than expected, and soon Cleo would need to go in for X-rays...
Cleo
Once again, Cleo was boxed up and shipped to the vet, and by now she was starting to hide from me whenever I put my shoes on...She had her X-ray done and was given fluids, then I was called back to the exam room. The doctor put her X-ray on the lighted board and explained what we saw, Cleo's lungs were being pressed by massive amounts of fluid building around them, she was not eating because it was so hard to breathe and eat. I could barely hear what the doctor was saying, I was biting my tongue to keep tears from flying down my cheeks (as I am right now). The prognosis was grim, all we could do was keep Cleo comfortable and when we decided, put her down. I walked out to the waiting room dazed after our vet asked if I was alright to drive, I mumbled out a little yes. They gave us a box of wet easy to digest high calorie cat food and in a daze I wrote out the check for everything, went to the car with my baby and cried...
Cleo
I took her home, let her out, and waited for Mom and Dad...I told them I was honestly too dazed to hear what the vet said, so they made an appointment to just go and talk about the options, I made them promise to NOT make the final decision without me. This was a HUGE area of contention for my Dad and I and I felt very alone. Cleo was drowning in fluid, all we could do was make her comfy perched on my Moms special back pillow. We did hospice for sweet Cleo, and she went downhill so quickly I couldn't believe my own eyes...
Cleo being a silly girl!
About a week after her final prognosis, she had the BEST week ever! She was trying to eat, trying to jump on things, she often fell because she was weak but we placed her as often as possible. She meowed at me in her sweet gravely voice and I thought, praise God! We rounded the corner! I'm sure I mentally jinxed myself by planning a photo op of Cleo after getting a clean bill of health that thanked her vets office and everyone who prayed for her...
Cleo and Aunt Michele
Literally in one week, Sunday to Sunday, Cleo was GREAT! But as soon as Monday hit, she went down hard...she barely got up, she had to go to the vet to get fluids to keep her going as she refused to eat or drink...When Dad came home, he told me I had to seriously think about putting Cleo down, I was devastated, I screamed at my Dad and went outside to be alone. I begged God to save her, I was so certain she would be okay, and I was very bad...I told God to save her, or I would abandon Him...I would curse at Him in my blind pain, I thought my faith would die if she did...
Cleo girl
On Saturday February 9th, I went out with my friend Heather for the day, it was awesome! We were planning on going to a movie, but I had to go home to get cash. She dropped me at my house to wait and when I went inside, I found my Mom near our fish tank, with Cleo on the floor with a towel on top...my heart skipped a beat. I asked Mom what was going on, she said she thought this was the end...I walked out to Heather and told her I couldn't go, I thought it was the end for Cleo, she totally understood and I went back inside. Dear God this is tough to write...
Cleo on the table
I sat down beside my angel, stroked her fur, whispered calmly to her and used a redwoods amount of tissue. That night was one of the WORST and LONGEST of my life...She began crying, meowing this horrible guttural scared howl, my Dad was crying telling my Sister she was dying, she couldn't breathe and this was sick. I couldn't take it, I went outside in the bitter cold and just sat, when I came in I went to the steps, I couldn't face my Dad he was just being vicious. I went to my bedroom, shut the door and watched TV on my Kindle, I couldn't listen to Cleo's death howls, I know that sounds awful...I went to bed that night and slept horribly, I prayed for strength, and held my breath each time I heard my Sister or Dad come up the stairs to bed...
Baby Girl on the chair
I think it was a little after five, or nearly five in the morning when I heard her...she was howling, and she woke Mom, Dad and I all up...I walked to the door and opened it slowly and asked Mom what was happening. Cleo was on the landing of the stairs crying out to us, I believe she knew her time was up and she wanted us near her. I told Mom that if Cleo lived through that Sunday, I would let her be put down on Monday. We carried her to the living room, set her on the pillow, and she clumsily got up and wandered toward the couch. She laid down on the floor and she looked so scared, I pet her slowly and gently whispering sweet things into her ears, telling her she could go, but to wait for me at the Rainbow Bridge, that we loved her and that I felt so lucky to have been her Mommy. She let out some awful howls, and as I sang Baby Mine to her, she convulsed and died...I held her in my arms, kissed her head and handed her off to my Dad. He held her a good while, Mom was taking a shower when Cleo died as she had peed on Mom. The night before Cleo died, I had played the video for Baby Mine from Dumbo on my Kindle, I propped the Kindle up and I swear, she watched. As she died, I sang in between snorts and sobs, "rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.". I wrapped my sweet angel in a pink towel, and Dad placed her into a bag before going to the basement to keep her in a freezer until Monday. I felt like I was in a haze, how could my baby be gone? Slowly, Mom and Dad went to church, and Michele left for work...I grabbed Cleo's collar in my hand and rubbed it between my thumb and palm as I went to get some breakfast. When I came home, there was the shortest thunder storm, a few flashes of lightning and some lovely thunder. I immediately smiled, Cleo was telling me she made it and was happy. Most babies send their Mommy's rainbows, mine sent me a thunderstorm because she knew I LOVED thunder. On Monday, Dad and I loaded Cleo up for the last time and took her to the vets office...we handed her off and I asked for the towel she was wrapped in, I buried my face in it, and still snuggle it when I feel lonely...It didn't take long for the dreams to start, my baby girl was healthy and happy in those dreams and I know it was her way of saying, "Mommy, please don't cry!".
Yes, she was spoiled rotten!
Of course my mind liked to punish me, I would relive her death scene over and over before I slept and I would cry and cry, I just kept seeing her little body convulsing and I thought I would vomit. If I had it to do over again, I would have asked our vet to put her down peacefully here at home rather than see her suffer, but part of me was clinging to that miracle, that miracle I thought I deserved, that I thought God had robbed me of...But then I realized, all the years He gave Cleo and I, her spunky attitude, her diva behavior, she would stick her head under my Dads or my hands if she wanted pet, she would paw at us if we stopped petting before she was done, and she would sit and wait to be placed on top of the fridge to eat from the BIG cat bowl like a princess. She was my sweet, beautiful, AMAZING gray squirrel and I can not imagine my life without having had her. I was so angry at God for taking the people and animals I love, but now I can say, thank you! Thank you for these memories, thank you for these amazing people and animals, and thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! for the strength you have given me, God. Look out for my diva and my baby girl Comet, make sure they are as spoiled as they deserve, give Cleo LOTS of head scratches, but don't pet her tummy or paws, she hates that. Make sure you give Comet LOTS of treats and take her on a TON of long walks, she loves those. To my beautiful babies, I will be there with you someday, and know that I miss you EVERY day of my life!
She LOVED to curl up like this and sleep on her back...
To my baby girl Cleo, I love you so much, I miss you every single day, and I can't write this without bawling my eyes out. You weren't really meant to be mine...you went to one of Grandpa's bosses for a whole year, but when they decided they didn't want you anymore, they brought you back...They didn't seem to care that your birth mother HATES animals...Grandpa was so scared to leave you at work because he was sure your birth mommy would kill you...He brought you home only for a little while until we could find a new home, but you found your way into our hearts, and you won Grandpa and Grandma over. I remember the night, Grandpa said, "I think she's been traumatized enough", and you were home. You stole our hearts with your sass and your love, you were always so skidish, up until the end, but in time you learned to trust us. Thank you, baby girl, for allowing me to be your Mommy, I love you now and forever! <3
Yup, Mommy is putting this up! You often sat in such un-ladylike poses. LOL!
This little black container is all I have of the sweetest little girl. Here is Cleopatra Melinda Shamelba Donshea Sorrill, and her rainbow candle lit beside her.
Comet and I
Comet, my sweet angel girl...Please forgive Mommy for not posting only about you...You were the most AMAZING animal! You showed up out of the blue on my Grandparents farm, and I fell hard for you. I had never had an animal that was just mine, until you came into my life...You were so devoted to me, you loved our walks, our talks, you even jumped up and ran to me while nursing. I have no doubt even today, that if on one of our walks I had been hurt, you would have gotten help, you were THAT wise. When I stopped, you stopped and waited, if I went to the outhouse and didn't let you in, you would sit outside and cry. The day I heard you were gone was so hard...I had just heard the news that my sweet niece, Anne, was born, I was on cloud nine! But when I got home, Mom and Dad told me...they said for some reason, you had gotten behind Grandpa's truck, we still don't know why as you were afraid of cars...you even lost an eye being hit by Grandpa on accident...He hit you on accident, but was so sure you were all right because you ran off, but you never came home...Mom and Dad went out to look for you, and they found you, peacefully gone like you had fallen asleep under a beautiful tree. Your Grandpa, my Daddy left a handful of dog treats that you loved so much beside your little body. I want you to know, your Great Grandpa, my Grandpa was heartbroken that you died! You know him, he's an old farm man, animals come and go, but he told Mom he wished it hadn't been you. I remember the last time I saw you, we took a LONG walk in the hot summer air, you waded in the pond near Grandpa and Grandma's house and you were SO happy. Aunt Michele and I said we would have to bring you, your sister Lilly and niece Sookie to the pond every time we visited. We walked the dry creek bed, and you waded in the cool water, you followed me so faithfully and that day will always live in my memories as one of the happiest days of my life. You are my sweet, beautiful angel, I will always love you! Take care of your sister, Cleo, and all your other fury and fishy/scaly/shelly siblings. Mind your sweet Aunt Blondie, your human Grandpa Jeff, be nice to Uncle Doc, and look after your cousin Joe. Please wait for me, sweet angel, please know that you always live in my heart and I feel honored to have been your Mommy as well! Rest in peace, my beautiful angels, Mommy will see you again!
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