I don't really have much good to report about yesterday...I guess I should set the scene starting a LONG LONG time ago when I was knee high to a grasshopper. My Grandparents house was always my wonderland, it was always a simple small home, two stories, wood siding and just big enough for a family of four to grow up in. My Grandparents home is tucked away in the trees on a hill DEEP in the country, I'm not kidding, think banjos and Wrong Turn and you'll have where my Grandparents live. They have lived in this home since they were married, my Mom was brought home from the hospital here and raised along with her baby brother. When one reaches the driveway, one must walk along the gravely dirt drive up to the small sidewalk, the sidewalk is made of haphazardly placed bits of concrete that lead to the small porch, and as the years have passed, these once fairly straight bits of concrete have become a bit treacherous...In my years, Grandpa has put up a simple wood railing to help Grandma who fell and broke her ankle on that sidewalk when my Mom was a very young lady.
When one has reached the end of the sidewalk, one comes to the porch. Part of the porch is concrete, the other part is wooden as the underside of the pantry/half of the porch is open. In the days of my childhood, this porch was always somewhat covered, there was and still is an old cabinet covered in Grandpa's odds and ends, some odd bits of farm equipment and my Grandma's old washing machine, yes it is a hand crank one. Grandpa also kept lots of wood on the porch, now there are just odd bits everywhere...The roof over the porch is tin, and when I was a wee girl, the columns holding the roof up were thick and strong. On the porch are screen doors with heavy wooden doors behind them, the one on the concrete leads to the living room, the one on the wooden part leads to the kitchen, oh and the doors in my Grandparents house used to be opened by old iron keys, no modern locks on that house anywhere. The living room door is a solid thick wood, the kitchen door is thick and solid with a window near the top.
When entering the kitchen, now I will first say how the house USED to be, not how it is today...In the old days, one would see the stove immediately by the kitchen door, and straight across from the door was the wood burning stove for heat, usually piled up with Grandpa's arrowheads and other odds and ends. Across from the stove was the kitchen sink and cabinets, on either side of a mirror above the sink were the cabinets that held dishes, then the drawers next to the sink that held silverware. The cabinets were metal, the same as when Mom was a little girl, and were covered with a handful of magnets. Beneath the sink was the cord for the water pump and other odds and ends for cleaning. Beside the stove was a caddy that held soups and dry goods. Between the cabinets and stove was the door to the pantry, the pantry walls were covered in food and cleaning items, the door had an old hook...
Aside from the outside doors, ALL the doors in my Grandparents house have latches like this, some have proper thumb latches, but most are like this.
Though the pantry door was only EVER closed when we took baths, which takes me to another point...When I was a little girl, my grandparents only had cold running water in their house, that means they would heat water on the stove, took spits baths, and had an outhouse. Yes I have done ALL of that. At the very back of the pantry was a window, next to the window was the old fridge, I'm pretty sure it was the only one they ever bought...It had a pull lever that opened a GIANT door, this fridge was from the 1950s just so I make myself clear, and on the back wall was the matching chest freezer from the 1950s. In the middle of the room was the old wooden table surrounded by sturdy wooden chairs, a window was placed on the back wall, beside it was the sewing table, across the table next to the cabinets was the other window and a small closet with the same latch as above. Next to the table was the china hutch, and the door to the upstairs portion of the house. On either side of the wood stove were a sturdy wooden chair and a rocking chair, next to the sewing table was the back door with a glass and wood screen door and sturdy wooden door, and behind that door was the small caddy holding papers and other odds and ends. Between the caddy and rocking chair was the doorway to the living room, this doorway had a door that was always open and again sported the same latch. Going into the living room behind the door was our game cabinet with board games and little toys from my Mom and Uncles childhoods, a desk was right next to this, then a window, and then the couch. Going to the other side of the room was Grandpa's chair and the coffee table in front of the couch and between the couch and Grandpa's chair. Behind his chair was a small glass and metal shelf set attached to the window that looked out on the side yard, next to Grandpa's chair was the piano. Again one turns and faces the TV and behind the TV is the last window in the living room, then Grandpa's bookshelf covered with books and Native American artifacts, next to that is the door to the porch. Turning again, nearly 360 now, one would have seen Grandma's old flower patterned chair sitting in front of the buffet table and next to the wood stove in the living room that was used for heating. Walking back through the living room to the kitchen and up the steps, oh and the stairs were spiraled like below...
Grandpa and Grandma's stairs are painted orange, much rougher shape than this, but you get the idea of how steep they are...
After going upstairs, one is greeted by a half wall and window on the opposite side. When one reaches the very top, one is greeted by Grandma's dresser and traveling along the wall is the small twin bed that my Uncle used, a small window at the head, and between the head and wall is a chest of drawers. Across the room is my Grandparents bed, the opposite wall sports a side table, small window close to the floor, and chest of drawers. Heading straight forward and through another doorway, one enters my Mom's old bedroom. Going around the room is a small chest of drawers, chair, another short chest of drawers, a small window near the floor, and chest. Going along the other side is a free standing closet, large window that faces the side yard, the window at the other end of the upstairs faces the fields, then another free standing closet. Turning again is the storage area that I don't go into...It has another small window or two near the floor, then on the last side is another short chest of drawers and in the middle, Mom's bed. I really hope that was clear enough...
Grandpa and Grandma's house used to be my Wonderland, tucked so far back that I could just roam and play til my hearts content! I could wander in the barn, play with the animals, and just be a kid. I can remember going to bed in the evening in the little twin sized bed upstairs, snuggling under an old quilt and breathing in the clean smell of the country. Grandpa and Grandma would draw the makeshift curtain that split their room and the area I was sleeping in and out would go the lights. I can remember so well lying in the dark before sleep, waving my hand before my eyes and not being able to see a thing! I remember listening to my Grandpa's rather loud snores, and drifting off to sleep. I can also remember opening my eyes with the sun drifting in lazily through the gauzy curtains that hung in the big window, my feet would hit the cold wooden floor and I would scamper downstairs for breakfast. I would flip the little latch and emerge, I can still see my Grandpa smiling at the table as I emerged saying, "good morning!" as he sat and read the paper while Grandma cooked. I would smile lazily and shuffle toward Dad who would be in the living room putting away the pull out bed. When I was an infant and we visited, my older sister would sleep in the twin bed, my parents would share the big bed in Mom's old room, and I would sleep in my play pen. As I grew older, Dad would sleep on the pullout bed in the living room and Michele and Mom would share the big bed. Every morning the radio in the living room would be BLARING the news as the smells of coffee, eggs, bacon, juice, and milk filled the air from the kitchen. I would usually wander around until breakfast or sit in the living room and watch one of the three available channels on TV. In time, Grandma called us all in for breakfast and when I was a wee thing, I would sit in the fold up booster seat, I felt so important in that chair! We would dig in, some mornings were hot meals, others were cereal but somehow, everything tasted better there! I would pour sugar onto my Cheerios from the plastic sugar bowl, and pour milk from Grandma's etched glass milk jug. Mom and Grandma would do dishes and the rest of the day was all ours! We would roam the fields, feed the cows or pigs, play in the yard, and sometimes watch TV in the quiet hours before and after lunch. As the shadows in the house got longer, Grandma would be in the kitchen again making some delicious feast, usually ham or another meat, green beans or other veggies, bread and butter, milk, and anything we could possibly want! I was a picky eater, and Grandma went out of her way to accommodate me, she really is an angel amongst women! She would give me cottage cheese, by Green Giant green beans and make a can JUST for me because I didn't like the bacon sauteed green beans. When I was young, I didn't help much with dishes but as I grew, I was right beside Grandma helping. We would play again or just relax as a family, and finally Grandma had a chance to sit and relax in the living room with us all. Evening would start to dawn, and Grandma went back to the kitchen to feed us again, and after another delicious Grandma meal, washed dishes, and finished spits baths, we kids would snuggle into our pajamas, play on the living room floor and watch TV. In the Summer when the nights were cool and crisp, we would leave the living room door open to feel the cool clean breeze as the TV hummed and Grandma would put her hair in curlers. When the time was right, we ascended the stairs and snuggled into bed to sleep and start it all over again...
That was my life for MANY years, making the long trip up to their house and just having a BLAST! Animals, the outdoors, it was just heavenly for me, of course I saw life through a child's eyes...As I grew older, my Grandfather's true colors began to surface, between age and his own stubbornness the house fell into disrepair...In time the pump stopped working, my Grandmother nearly died from sepsis and had to rest in a nursing home for a long while...The house has become unlivable...we can no longer stay there over night, we can't even eat in the house...The pantry has nearly fallen off the house, my Dad's patience with Grandpa has totally died, the cows and pigs are gone, cats are literally falling into the pantry through holes in the ceiling...The screen door to the kitchen is destroyed and two of the three doors in the downstairs are secured by knives or screwdrivers...the grace of God is the only thing holding that place up...
Even though the house was hellish, I found refuge in my dogs, and as everyone knows, Comet died last July and I hadn't been to the house since...We went due to issues my Grandpa got into and being in the woods and fields was AMAZING! I played pretend, found a beautiful circle of wildflowers and we also found HUGE cougar tracks. We met my second cousin Allen, he had gotten wind of the issues at the farm and came to document some things to help, thank goodness he was there! We chatted then headed to another field, and we proceeded to get stuck in the mud...we tried everything and nothing worked...Michele was able to call Allen and left a message, then Dad and Michele went off to look for Allen to have him pull us out. We were finally out thanks to cousin Allen, and we headed to the house...It just gets worse every time we visit and Grandpa is too stubborn to leave...yes, he has the money to move. Anyone know that song, "Where I Come From" from Montgomery Gentry? There is a line that says "That old man right there in the rocking chair at the courthouse where I'll tell you now, he could buy your fancy car, with hundred dollar bills", yea that's my Grandpa. Anyway...we got to the house, it was awful, the poor barn is also barely holding on...Well I've had three dogs in the past 10+ years and they have lived together a long time, Comet came first, then Lilly, and Sookie. Comet and Lilly are my daughters and Sookie is my Granddaughter being that she is Lilly's daughter. I heard the news Sookie was pregnant, and she was beneath the house, we didn't know but she had recently popped and was with her puppies. Though I didn't have Comet, I knew I had to be there again for Lilly and Sookie...I called for Lilly but she didn't come around, I went inside and asked Mom what was going on, and she told me Lilly had disappeared a few weeks before...I was crushed...I had lost both my girls and Sookie is so skiddish she won't let me pet her...I hate to say this, but without my dogs, my Grandparents house is nothing to me anymore...The house is hell, the land is all but destroyed, my dogs are gone, the other animals are gone, I just don't want to go back unless I can play in the woods alone...Going on a walk alone just doesn't feel right, I want my girls back! Needless to say, I am crushed...I've been working so hard on being happy and positive keeping the old head up, but I give up...I'm still stressed, my family is stressed, my Wonderland is gone, I just give up...chances are this will be the last blog post for a long, long, long time, or maybe even the last blog post ever. I'm just too worn out...
