Facebook and the lack there of, yes I know it is meant for connecting with friends and family and sharing daily life and all of that, but it gets a bit boring when NO ONE pays attention...I can count on one hand, usually one finger, the number of people who seem to care or pay attention. Yes I know, I should pretend that I don't need attention, that I can happily be a shrinking Violet and never think twice but I'm NOT! I want attention, I want people to notice I'm here, or that I'm not here!
The sudden cryptic change, I've tried EVERYTHING for this blog...I've tried giving blow by blows of my day, I've tried being sunshine and rainbow farts, I've tried to vent, I've tried to be ME but what does it get me? NOTHING! This might hurt feelings but you know what? After worrying about EVERYONE'S feelings, I just don't care much...After holding everyone's hands, patting their shoulders, carrying them, listening, etc. etc. etc. I WANT SOME FREAKING ATTENTION! Again, I know I shouldn't admit this, but dang it! I need love too!
Keeping everyone but immediate family and my surrogate Mommy Sheila at arms length...see the above. Maybe I'm throwing a tantrum, I think I've earned it after being so sweet and sugary...Every time I talk to people, minus the above stated, I feel like a drooling moron...When I was in school last year, I had a teacher, in time I reconciled my ill feelings for her, but whenever I spoke in class, she stared at me alternately like I had worms crawling out of my nose or like I should keep talking...The only issue was the more I spoke, the less sense I made and the more embarrassed I got...Just ONCE I wanted her to hear what I said and go, "That is an AWESOME thought! Lets take her thought and run with it...blah blah blah" like she did with the girl behind me...When I talk to anyone anymore it seems like I am in that class again, with that teacher staring at me waiting for me to make sense or shut up and I don't know about you all, but it pisses me off to feel that way...
This blog...::Points to the above.:: This blog gets about as much attention as I get on Facebook, and when I pour my heart and soul out onto a piece of paper, a little conversation or shoulder patting is appreciated. Of course by now, I'm frustrated enough with life that shoulder patting may just be a very dangerous thing to do...
Stress, lets see...School, a job, social issues, family issues, future issues...life...I'm just simply exhausted, I need to escape. Oh and if ANYONE says ANYTHING about loving myself and not worrying about what others think or anything like that, I may just eat you...Once in a while we ALL need outside acceptance so stow the psycho babble...Now, if anyone is still reading, the best way to contact me is through email if you have it, if not, well, I guess you just gotta wait for me to get out of this funk, heaven help you if you decide to wait...
I promise I won't shoulder pat!
ReplyDeleteBut listen. Your blog is great. I don't always comment but I read your posts. I have a very slow dial up connection and oftentimes I am prevented from leaving comments because it takes so long to load the page.
Are there others out there who may read your blog, enjoy it, but don't comment? Probably!
When I started blogging I never had any comments whatsoever. I didn't blog for anyone - I blogged for me. It was kind of like an online journal where I could record things I wanted to remember. I didn't care if others found it interesting because I don't live for other people, I live for myself.
To even get people aware that I had a blog it took a huge amount of time and effort on my part. I posted on lots of sewing forums and also on etsy with my blog in my signature so that people could know where to go if they wanted to read it. I posted a ton of sewing projects with links back to my blog for more details. I basically had to "advertise" it before I got even the slightest interest in it.
Over time I did gain some following. I have over 600 followers now and most of my posts get, maybe, half a dozen comments. Does that mean no one reads or enjoys my blog? I doubt it. It's just that not every has the desire or the time to comment on everything. And that's fine. When they do comment I appreciate it and if they don't, that is fine too since blogging is not about getting approval or attention, it's about being yourself and being creative, writing and recording. Remembering.
You are very appreciated and you are very interesting. I just think sometimes people may be turned off if they see a post here or on facebook where it is so obvious you are clamoring for attention. I hate commenting on your self-derogatory posts because I have in the past and it seems that it makes no difference. That you may only be happy if someone else is telling you how awesome you are. And you *are* awesome. But you don't need people to tell you that for you to actually be awesome. Your worth and value as a person does not fluctuate with public opinion. I think a lot of people may feel the way I do; overwhelmed, a little confused, unsure of what to say so they don't say anything. Wondering if your cheerful posts are really sincerely cheerful or if they are some desperate attempt at a cover-up.
I think you will only start to be really happy when you do things you love because you want to do them. It is probable one of your love languages (have you heard of them?) is words of affirmation. But you can't let people's attention or supposed lack thereof be your guideline for happiness. Because if you do, you will be a constant emotional wreck!
Maybe don't post so often? I don't know. . .I mean on facebook. . .a lot of times if people see multiple posts from one person during one day they tend to ignore them. Just since what is always there isn't always appreciated as much as something that only comes once in a while.
I don't mean to give advice, just thinking out loud. I really appreciate your writing. You certainly have a gift. But do it for you. And if others find out, hey, this girl has really got something, well, good for them! But you keep on doing what you do no matter what people think or say because their opinion is just that, an opinion. It's not something to base something as serious as your happiness on!
Our only true source of happiness can come from Christ and the peace He alone can give us. He is always there for you and always will be. In Him you have everything, without Him, nothing.
Hope your week gets better!